Sunday: Last night the bass was so loud from the hotel rooftop bar from 9pm until 1am that our room shook. We are 3 floors below the bar. All the calls to the front desk were met with much polite apology, but no resolution. Sounds like we missed a good party! We’re going to have to get a new room. 

After such full days of home searching, school interviews, hospital tours, and drive-thrus of the various parts of the city it’s hard to have the energy to do anything at night. We have been collapsing on the bed, ordering room service, watching some Discovery channel and falling asleep-at least until the music upstairs starts. Today is our first day off so we are looking forward to some adventures, swimming in the pool and relaxing. We want to hit up a church, a bazaar and maybe a public park.

The cough and cold that I’ve had since the beginning of February is still with me. The coughing seems to be exacerbated by the dust in the air, and riding around in the car with my scarf covering my mouth and my big sunglasses keeping the sun away has become my new look. (Michael Jackson perfected it-I’m just borrowing it). Dan bought me some medicine at The Cash Pharmacy as well as some antibiotics. Antibiotics over the counter! (These are impossible to get back home even if you see a doctor!) It’s nothing like a pharmacy in the US, Dan says. He described it as a large hardware store with lots of drawers. You tell your symptoms to the pharmacist and he/she chooses the right meds for you. So I’m taking something for cough and cold twice a day-the ingredients of which sound interesting and difficult to pronounce. 

Time to drink my room service coffee and plan the day! 

“I can’t wait to see our new house. I bet it’s going to be a mini-temple.” – Masan, age 7

Before we left the US the girls had begun to talk and ask questions about where we are going to live in Bengaluru. From what we have seen of expat communities thus far, it looks as though we are going to have a MUCH larger space than the one we currently live in. 4000 square feet versus the 1000, 1 bathroom we have now. Huh. Moving to India to get more space. Who would have thought?

At this point we have probably seen about 25-30 houses and apartments in Whitefield and downtown Bengaluru. All in 2 days without a break for tea. (What happened to breaking for afternoon tea? I thought this was a given in India, and so far I have yet to have afternoon tea here). Most of the homes had pros and cons. Some communities had amazing pools and clubhouses, while others had amazing homes, but a smaller neighborhood (which means fewer potential friends), and others were too far from Dan’s office (traffic in this town is no joke-it makes rush hour on the BQE seem easy). However, today we saw a lovely, simple (not “fussy” as our sweet relocation specialist describes a certain style of home) house with clean lines, a small yard for the kids to play in, a large functional kitchen, enough bedrooms to have friends visit (yes, I mean you!), a pretty pond across the street and a quiet street to ride bikes on. The A/C units aren’t in the living spaces, but apparently you can just request that the landlord install them. 

We definitely saw houses that were much bigger than the one we hope to rent. Most places had 4 bedrooms and 5 baths! No wonder most expats have housekeepers! We would like a place with enough room so that the girls will not be stacked on top of each other, but too much room would mean too much stuff, and I already feel like we spend too much of our time managing our things. That’s not how we want to spend our time here. Home will be a place to relax, sleep, and escape the city chaos, but I’m hoping we will spend most of our time exploring.  

These are some pics of our favorite homes:

At the airport. More specifically, the business class lounge of Etihad airlines. Okay, this is going to sound really provincial, but why have I never before been in this magical kingdom? My coach self never even knew it existed! 

I had butternut squash and scallops for dinner. And they weren’t at all like airline food, but instead were absolutely amazing. And they were free! There are showers here, a prayer room, any magazine I could ask for in both English and Arabic, any kind of alcohol I want, and I’m sure some illegal things if I asked nicely. It’s a bit Stepford that all of the servers are wearing the same shade of lipstick and a similar wide smile, but we’ve shown them pics of the girls and gotten some personal stories so I feel a bit better. I guess for a ticket that cost as much as 3 month’s rent in my overpriced neighborhood this place makes sense, but I feel very guilty. It’s too much, too decadent, like I’ll have a toothache from how sweet it all is. This isn’t me-I don’t deserve this. But it’s so nice and cozy to sit on a clean leather chair in a quiet nook rather than a hard chair at the airline gate. So I’m going to “when in Rome” it for now. 

REALLY looking forward to having a sitter today. I wanted to run away from the childcare chores and never look back—or at least not look back for a few hours. I needed to be a party of one–a regular human being without a child strapped to my chest, just for a second. First stop was midtown to learn yoga poses that strengthen and elongate the injured area of the spine. Helpful, but my body seems to want to do the complete opposite of what it’s supposed to do in the poses. Everything I was instructed to do felt unnatural. Apparently my body is moving in ways that aren’t healthy, which is probably why I have periformis syndrome and a herneated disc. I was told that I lock my knees, thrust my hips forward instead of keeping them over my feet, that my left knee points inwards, my shoulders are uneven, and I need to remember to keep pulling my belly to my spine. The goal is for me to do these exercises at home to create space in my spine. But first I need to find the space in my life. I tried to do one of the the exercises when I got home. I was 2 breaths in when Mia came to stand next to me and yelled, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” over and over until I stopped the exercise and turned my attention to her.

After yoga I went to Dr. Cliff for some energy healing. On the table, face down, couldn’t stop coughing. So annoying for the people ‘energy healing’ on tables on either side of me, I’m sure. As soon as I arrived I wanted to leave. Now laying on my back I kept looking at the clock to see what time it was and playing with the ends of my hair. When can I leave? Trying hard not to bolt. Dr. Cliff said that this is great time of transition for me, and that he wants to help me get through it “whole, and not fragmented.” My usual MO when the going gets tough is to run the other way and hide under the covers with a book. He wants me to be able to confront the hard stuff without retreating in my body, mind or spirit. Ugh. That sounds painful.

Anyway, the energy running through me felt so jittery. The only thing that helped was when we did Stage 9 breathing, which is very hard to explain, but was a much higher stage than I am normally at, and really brought some nice energy. Feeling a bit less jittery afterwards. But I still ran out of there as soon as I was released. Went for lunch, and wanted to leave the restaurant as soon as I sat down. I wanted to get back home. As fast as I could. Missed the girls and Dan. Wanted to be home to watch Masan and Evie play in the recess yard behind the apartment. Wanted to play toy instruments with Mia or read her favorite book with her. Again, it was one of those Hotel California moments (“you can check in anytime you’d like but you can never leave”) I had been having all day. The service was great when I was seated and served, but no one looked at me when I needed a bill. I sat at my table with my wallet out and my plate empty for 15 minutes. Finally I went to the register and asked for my bill. The servers were annoyed, but I NEEDED to get out of there RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

I was so antsy to leave my house and my kids this morning, and just a few hours later I couldn’t wait to get back home. The change in mind-frame was so drastic in just a few hours. What was it? Guilt at not being with the kids, for wanting to be apart from them, or something more than guilt? Why was it so hard to sit at a table and sip tea and read a book instead of rushing for my check? Why couldn’t I focus on breathing and healing? Dr. Cliff said that there was some resistance during our session. It made me wonder if I don’t take time out for myself to really take care of myself, not because I don’t have the time or space, but because once I do I will need to figure out who I am stripped of my roles and my chaotic life. And maybe it’s too scary and been too ignored for too long. It’s easier to rush around and get home to focus on other people’s needs than peel the layers and sit with the uncertainty necessary for self-discovery. Who knows. I just want to be done with this post!

Friday we went to see a doctor for a tutorial on surviving India, and to get some of our vaccinations and oral medications. This extremely thorough tutorial totally changed my perspective on this whole endeavor. Instead of feeling like we are embarking on a joyful new adventure, I feel much more trepidation, and like, “how am I going to make it out of Bengaluru alive?” The conversation with this doctor was so vastly different than any other conversation I have had with anyone about India and this move thus far. Almost every single person we have spoken with about the move has been 100% excited and supportive of our move (thank you!), which in turn has made Dan and I even more excited and very positive around the girls, which kept everyone’s spirits up. Maybe I was just being naive. It’s not that I didn’t think about any of the real health concerns associated with going to a developing country. Of course there we were going to have to take some malaria pills, be careful about what we ate, and wear bug spray and sunscreen, but beyond that it would all work out. I also thought that my OCD around cleanliness would be a huge asset, but meeting with a medical professional was truly eye opening.

Not only do I have to keep myself healthy, but am responsible for keeping 3 little kids from getting sick. Knowing how hard it is to keep kids healthy here (we are always fighting something), how much crazier and more complicated will it be in a country where I don’t know anything about anything? It was beyond helpful to get this doctor’s perspective and advice, but it also left me feeling a bit disappointed. That things weren’t going to be as I had hoped or envisioned.

During our tutorial, we were told the following:

-Don’t drink bottled water unless it’s from a hotel or from a big grocery store even if there is an unbroken seal because the bottle may have been refilled with tap water and the top may have been super-glued on like that scene from ‘Slumdog Millionaire’. So if my kids are thirsty and there are only small stands around, they are going to be thirsty. Not having access to clean water is no joke.

–Don’t even think about petting the cute-looking monkeys you see everywhere because they have rabies, which will kill you. How am I going to keep my kids from petting the cute monkeys when they pet every animal they come in contact with in Brooklyn? They’d probably pet a rat if they could get close enough.

-Don’t eat where the locals eat and definitely no street food of any kind. I was so excited to eat street food! That seems like the real deal, but okay.

-No fruit or vegetables unless you peel or cook them yourself. I can already foresee that keeping regular is going to be an issue. Thank God for dysentery.

-Don’t cross the street unless you want to be run over. There must have been more to this one, but that was my take home message.

-Keep all windows and doors locked while in the car, and never hail cabs because they could take you to your location in a round about way, trying to rip you off. Okay, like cabs do in NYC. Used to this one.

-Keep a throw away wallet with a $20 in it in case you are getting mugged. When I first moved to NYC in 1998 for grad school, I wore a money pouch inside my clothes and didn’t carry a purse or wallet with me. Seriously. I was scared that I would get mugged getting my groceries or riding the subway. This lasted about a week, until the teasing by my grad school friends became too much, and I realized that people did carry purses around, but that I just had to be smart about things. A bit of paranoia can’t hurt as 18 years later I have never once been mugged in this great city, knock on wood.

-Don’t give any money or food to anyone who asks—even kids. The money makes sense, but I was planning to carry snacks around to give to the children who asked. I can’t imagine ignoring people who need something—even here we give money to almost every person who asks (when we have it—except to the slightly belligerent man in front of Rite Aid and the man who keeps saying his shoes were stolen “yesterday” every time I see him, and who demands that I hug him). I am trying to raise compassionate kids, not jerks. The doctor said that kids who beg are often controlled by gangs who will stalk us if they see us being generous.

-And no, you can’t volunteer in any orphanages because you will catch TB. Great. That’s what I was most excited about! There go my dreams of being Mother Theresa, and a way to ameliorate the rich, white guilt in a country with overwhelming poverty.

-No, you can’t pet the cows; they are dirty. I love cows, and am very excited to see them in the airport, in stores, in the street. Dan and I are even excited about becoming vegetarian again! Even though they are sacred, I guess they are still unclean.

Vaccines—Many of the vaccines that I was supposed to get I had already gotten when I was pregnant per New York State law, like Tdap (tetanus, diphtheria, acellular pertussis) and MMR (measles, mumps, rubella), so that was wonderful to hear! I only had to get Hep A & B (which I think that I may have already had a few years ago in addition to Hep C, but need to check my medical records) yesterday. Additionally, we were given oral typhoid pills, which we take every other day (just 4 pills, but we need to have an empty stomach and can’t consume alcohol–this may pose an issue for tonight’s Super Bowl party). And I finally learned the origin of ‘Typhoid Mary.’ According to Wikipedia: “Mary Mallon (September 23, 1869 – November 11, 1938), better known as Typhoid Mary, was the first person in the United States identified as an asymptomatic carrier of the pathogen associated with typhoid fever. She was presumed to have infected 51 people, three of whom died, over the course of her career as a cook.^[1] She was twice forcibly isolated by public health authorities and died after a total of nearly three decades in isolation.”

And the best part of going to Bengaluru is that we don’t have to take malaria pills! It’s one of the only places in India where you don’t have to take them. Of course, when we travel to other parts of the country we will need to.

Now I need to figure out a way to be excited and positive while also being as safe as possible, aware, and always err on the side of caution until I know my way around.