I’m feeling literally sick to my stomach. The frustration and anger are at an all-time high today. I can’t even wait until I get home to my computer to write so I am frantically pushing tiny buttons on my phone in the car as Kiran navigates the relentless Bangalore traffic. The reason for this rage today is not the traffic, but what I am calling, in my angered state, apathy towards standing up, speaking out, marching for women’s rights.

This weekend is the Women’s March on Washington, DC. Sister marches are planned throughout the world in support of women’s rights. Kenya is having three, France is having seven, and Tanzania is having two. So how many marches are happening in India, a country of 1.34 BILLION people, the second most populated country in the world, with some of its states having more people than entire countries, with one out of six people on this planet living in India, and 652 million of these being WOMEN? Exactly ONE. In Kolkata. And how many people are signed up? SIX. That’s right. 6. And now with me having just signed up-SEVEN. And the email address of the coordinator is not working so I am cyber-stalking her to see if this march is actually going to happen with only 7 of us before I buy plane tickets and drag my 3 kids and husband to Kolkata to protect their rights whether they like it or not, damnit. (Dan is unhappy about this prospect, and thinks that we are going to be the only people there with our protest signs, but God love him, he’s looking at flights right now).

There’s no perspective from me at the moment. No trying to understand cultural differences in relation to this apparent apathy. There’s just anger. How can only 6 people want to support this historical women’s march in support of women’s rights when India was voted in 2012, by poll of 370 gender specialists around the world, the worst place to be a woman out of all the G20 countries. This is a culture, despite its gentleness and kindness to us personally, which has had a long history of being very shitty to women. According to the foundation for sustainable development, “Gender discrimination continues to be an enormous problem within Indian society. Traditional patriarchal norms have relegated women to secondary status within the household and workplace. This drastically affects women’s health, financial status, education, and political involvement. Women are commonly married young, quickly become mothers, and are then burdened by stringent domestic and financial responsibilities. They are frequently malnourished since women typically are the last member of a household to eat and the last to receive medical attention. Additionally, only 54 percent of Indian women are literate as compared to 76 percent of men. Women receive little schooling, and suffer from unfair and biased inheritance and divorce laws. These laws prevent women from accumulating substantial financial assets, making it difficult for women to establish their own security and autonomy.”

In trying to connect with others who may be interested in going to Kolkata this weekend, I posted a message about the event on a FB group I am a member of called the Super Mums of India. Like I was, you may be thinking, “Okay, mom’s group, good idea, Sharon, they will certainly be interested in supporting a march in support of women’s rights.” Right? Wrong. As soon as I posted, the moderator wrote the following:

And of course I had to respond:

Sharon Masaniello Otmar Sorry for not asking permission to post. Didn’t know I needed to as I thought this was extremely relevant for all women and especially mom’s of girls.

Like · Reply · 12 hrs

I’m pretty sure she removed my post. How can info about a woman’s march not be relevant for moms in India???

So what’s the deal? Why the low numbers of interest in this march? I’m blaming it on people being apathetic—too busy, too uninterested, content to let others do the heavy lifting, etc., but could it be more? Yeah, it sure could. Now that the anger has subsided a bit, the kids are tucked in, and I’m  somewhat sanely sitting at my computer, I am ready to give this some rational thought and try to find some clarity and drum up a bit of cultural sensitivity. Could the lack of participation be because it’s a march organized by the US and Indians don’t want to support us? I checked with Urvi and Kiran (my go-to people for all things related to Indian culture), and they both said that it’s nothing against the US—this is just how it is here. Activism isn’t a big thing: the majority of women don’t stand up for their rights. But why? It certainly can’t be because Indian women believe that their rights are being upheld so well by their countrymen.

A recent article in the Huffington Post discusses progressive Bangalore’s atrocious New Year’s Eve “night of shame,” and the ‘blame-the-victim’ mentality of the police:

“As the new year dawned on Bengaluru, scores of women were assaulted and molested by a mob of unruly, drunken men in an event that will probably go down in history as the city’s “night of shame.” Alarming photographs show female revelers crying on the shoulders of overwhelmed police officers, 1,500 of whom were deployed in advance to prevent just this sort of thing from happening.

“It turns out that for all its social and economic changes, its signs of prosperity, Bengaluru is still no safe haven for women. We shouldn’t be surprised, of course, for the data shows that crimes against women have been on the rise for years. In 2013 itself Bengaluru recorded the most number of such cases out of all the major south Indian cities and the situation has only worsened since then.

“…when you look at the response from Bengaluru’s own ministers and police, who played down the incident at first because apparently it wasn’t enough that multiple women attested to being groped and mauled. They must have asked for it, these men said in response, by leaving the confines of their homes, and that too at night.”

So women’s rights being protected is definitely NOT the reason. So again, why the lack of interest by women in marching for their own rights? I’m confident that it’s not an easy answer nor one that I am going to find at 10:51 pm on a Tuesday night as an American expat with 6 months in India under her belt. Like everything about India, it’s going to be complex and multifaceted involving many contradictions. That said, here’s one more article that I thought was interesting and I will call it a night. This article from Hindustan Times points to scorn or ‘peer pressure’ from Indian culture for “India’s regressive narrative” in regards to women’s rights:

http://www.hindustantimes.com/columns/india-needs-women-to-stand-firm-and-know-that-they-are-right/story-Gvx5NzybCbBsz4zkpmIFnI.html

“As Indian women enter India’s public places to study, work and play in larger numbers than ever, they expect liberation but find restriction. They are told what they cannot do: Don’t dress as you please; don’t travel alone; don’t travel after dark; don’t go to a nightclub; don’t talk too loudly; don’t retaliate if harassed; don’t complain to the police; don’t do anything that will spoil your reputation, your family’s honour or (if single) your chances for marriage.

“Oh, and once you are married, make sure the dishes are washed, the clothes cleaned, and the children and husband fed.

“For an Indian woman, there is no escape from a quick, early marriage. Those summits of female achievers, those role models we read about, those strong, independent women we know — they are exceptions to the rule, which is that the average Indian woman will be married by 20. It doesn’t help very much if the woman lives in urban India. The mean female age at marriage in rural areas is 19.7, in urban areas, 20.7, according to the latest census data released last month. Education is an efficient contraceptive — Indian women with a college degree have 1.9 children during their lifetime, against 3.8 for illiterate woman — but it appears to only marginally slow the inevitability of early marriage.

“In Kerala, the state with India’s highest female literacy rate (91.9%), the mean female age at marriage is 21.4, just half a percentage point ahead of Muzaffarnagar’s 20.9, even though Kerala’s female literacy rate is 32 percentage points ahead of Muzaffarnagar’s. In the end, young women, whether in Muzaffarnagar or Mallapuram, are shackled by tradition, shown their place and kept out of “trouble”.

“Those lucky to escape stifling lives in stifling small towns find the anonymity of the big city refreshing, but familiar moral judgements are often delivered by landlords, neighbours and auto drivers. If India’s regressive narrative is to change, women must make trouble, and we must support their right to do so. Else, the fate of educated Indian women — who drop out of the workforce in growing numbers despite surging past men in school and college — will be to keep those chapatis coming.”

My American marching friends, my girls and I and Dan will be joining you in solidarity in Kolkata on Saturday, even if we are the only ones who show up.